a discourse on a function called life ....

int life(int *min_age, int max_age); // function that executes life from "min_age" till "max_age" and returns status "1" for bad life and status "0" for a wonderful life

int desperate_call_to_life(int *age)
{
*age=5;
status = life(age, (*age+18));
return status;
}

int main()
{
int *age;

while (1){
if(*age ==23 && !strcmp(occupation, "corporate")){

status = desperate_call_to_life(age);

if (status == 0 )
{
break;
}
}
*age++;
}

return 0; // main should never return unless we had a wonderful life
}

I happened to write this function on facebook reading one of my friends comments. I wish life was such simple as a C program that executes as said. Instead life is so complicated that the thread stack would not be suffice to store all the parameters of life.

life (int parameter_a, int parameter_b, ....)

Think of a mathematical polynomial function LIFE = L(f) = f(x,y,z, .........) with infinite and dynamic variables (a dynamic variable is a variable which gets introduced into our lives without a hint or rather premonition) Sometimes it is a blessing to have such a dynamic variable bring happiness in our life. Sometimes such a variable can defer the happiness and sometimes it can bring bigger problems with it.

The curve of this exceptional function cannot be drawn immaculately on a piece of paper, the function needs to be lived. Some parameters are involuntarily introduced into our function while some we can control. Think about it and decide which controlled parameters we can throw out. (for eg : laziness, smugness, smoking, drinking, etc ....)

Afterall some visionaries could discern their own curve and inject some better parameters of hard work and sacrifices into their own function to live their vision.

Puneite ....

"Pune is said to be the educational and cultural hub of India..." wait .. I have a question. Is it really?? If I were someone from a different planet and came to visit the earth and wanted to know of all the cultures and was suggested to visit Pune, what would I conclude about the great Pune culture?

Here is the human readable version of the analog message I would transmit back to my planet ......

Pune is said to be the cultural hub of India. FYI, India is a country on planet Earth and Pune is a city. Damn these earthlings, they have such abstractions to obscure the real truth. Earth is divided into several countries, yes divided, by some virtual borders not visible from outer space (wierd, aint these earthlings are ... ) An individual needs to get a visa (means permission) ... pch .. such recondite rules; to cross these borders. Anyways I would like to keep this message short and wont digress any further.

Pune is full of youth, zeal and enthusiasm. I did not feel a bit secluded during my 6 years of stay here. Even though I preferred solitude in the past I am a changed person. I am a Puneite and a puneite is never a drab. The most satisfying part of Pune is the climate. Pune is blessed with warmth and compassion. Get up in the morning, take a walk and you'll know why Pune is called beautiful. The warm sunlight, the cool breeze and the beautiful gals enjoying the morning walk (okay ... it is more of a strut showing off their debonair mannerisms) Come evening, and it is time to hang around the hot spots. In Pune, no time is a bad time to hang out with friends. Come weekends, start your bike and vrooooom along the nearby ghats. The uncanny ghats will never disappoint you and will provide all the thrill in monsoons. Never miss the monsoons in Pune. Plan a trek every weekend in monsoons.

The space travel, the intra cellestial super bowl or the CPL (cellestial premier league) which we are proud bragging about, is nothing but an incomprehensible drivel for these Pune gals. If you wanna hit on a Pune gal, please do listen to Jay Sean, Plain White T's, Taylor Swift, Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, A.R. Rehman, Enrique and do not miss "Hotel California" and "Summer of '69". The gals love suave, elegant and genial men. The gals are attention seekers and be sure to praise every thing they wear/carry. I miss being a student in Pune. It is a blessing in disguise.

The student mantra "start your bike and enjoy the ride". wait ... did I say, enjoy?? Sorry, my bad. I now come to the saddest part of Pune. Traffic!!! The people of Pune are helpful and friendly only when they are not driving. The most irritating part is that people do not know the difference between upper and dipper. They merrily flaunt the "upper" even under bright street lights. When asked to switch to dipper they say "Should I concentrate on upper and dipper or on driving?" This is a generic response from gals. Guys are better at saying that the dipper wont work!!! *$#^@&@* Worse expletives could be mentioned, but I refrain from writing them here since our bandwidth is secure and needs to be kept bland. Such expletives could block the message. I could teach you some when u get here ;)

Be aware of a PMT (please google first) ahead of you. It can irrationally turn 30 degrees in one swing of its steering. Rikshaws are so agile that they can turn 90 degrees given any instant. Some rikshawalas upgraded themselves to cabs and so a cab too can irresistibly turn by any angle. Lane rules are not followed in Pune. People change lanes more frequently than the promiscuous Casanova changing bedroom mates.

.... and one more thing, please google Pune's traffic, Kaka Halwai, Chitale bandhu, Desai Ambewale, Shrimant Dagdushet Halwai ganpati, marathi literature, e-square, inox, cadB-cadM, University of Pune, Fergusson College and PICT and ofcourse to enter India you need to know of the two legends Sachin Tendulkar and Lata Mangeshkar.

Puneite I have been and will remain so until, shit ... damn it scotty!! I asked you to beam me up years ago!!

close encounters...

It was 6 : 15 PM, Saturday the 13th. I was wearing a long lost shirt. I thought about wearing this shirt twice before I donned it. It was the same shirt I was wearing a few months back when a large hefty truck had bumped into my bike's bum. I was in a shock to see my bike under the truck's large tyre and the crumpled tail lights nearby. I shook off the morbid fear and started towards KP(Koregaon Park). I was enroute KP with a friend. It was such a great evening. I took the kirkee signal and speed past the roaring traffic across the Mumbai Pune Highway into a small desolate road leading towards Bombay Sappers. I could see the red sun towards the western horizons added with fresh breeze and some meager amounts of carbonmonooxide. It was never so pleasant to drive across the Holkar Bridge with such low amounts of unwanted carbon forms. I was about to drive across Bombay Sappers when my instincts suggested I better go to Shoppers Stop and buy some gifts for the V-Day.

I took a turn towards the kirkee war cemetery and joined the crowded wakdewadi road again. Believe me, it is such an ordeal to drive on these Pune streets. Anyways I can have another blog on Pune's traffic, but for now lets go back to wakdewadi road. Entered the mall, searched for a never seen before kind of a gift, did not find it, search failed. Thought I would get a gift from KP. Was about to return to my original quest towards KP, when my friend's dad called and gave the news. "DO NOT GO ANYWHERE, RETURN HOME ASAP". My phone buzzzzzed. I saw the message. SHIT SHIT SHIT.......

I was so dumbfound that I started perusing each letter in the message carefully. It clearly said "BOMB BLAST IN GERMAN BAKERY. DO NOT GO TO KP". It was a different feeling. Had I not turned towards Shoppers Stop, I could have seen the blast live, worse I would have my mouth full of some charred brown bread sandwich and a free tanned/charred skin in return. And the worst feeling of all, I could be the one to open the bag full of explosives. It was a chaos, a turbulence in my head. Took some time. Cooled down, composed and was back to myself again. Thought I would go to KP and provide whatever help needed. Well I could donate some blood if needed. But then the adrenaline dozed off after some senti calls from home. "Adhich gharachya lamb rahatoas" and all sort of stuff.

Came to my apartment, listened to what the news channels had to say and tried to sleep. Could not sleep and started writing (in fact typing) .... the benevolent hunch ....

some random thoughts on "GOD" ...

You might wonder what will I talk about GOD. It is the jabber of a recluse, a secluded depressed and a "failed in life" kind of a person. All the young brawny brains like me are thinking why am I even talking (or in fact writing) gibberish. But, if seen from a different angle, you know of what I am talking and can comprehend the jabber. It makes such a difference of thought when we change perceptions abruptly and be more aware of our own mistakes and accept them.

It is the same way when we have to hit on a beautiful gal and we counter all her "NO's" into a "YES" in an intelligent and subtle way. Consider the following statements, "Mumbai belongs to me" and "I belong to Mumbai" . This is a perfect example of subtle, cautious and calibrated statement with abrupt change of perceptions. It makes such a difference when I say "I belong to Mumbai" and not the other way round.

Can we think the same way about GOD and its creation? We say that GOD defies logic but instead an abrupt change in perception will make you think that GOD is actually a part of logic to save the sanity in this world. We always say that GOD created the universe and eventually humans. Instead we can say that we humans created GOD. And it seems to be logical. GOD came into existence with the humans. The humans created logic and also saw logic being defied by nature. So as to preserve the sanity of logic humans coined the term "GOD". Anything that defies logic is a creation of GOD. Call it GOD or X or Y or anything else but this variable (X or Y or GOD) perfectly fits in to save logic.

I am not an atheist. I believe in the ultimate power and I call it the variable "X" in an unsolved polynomial equation of life rather than calling it GOD. After all we are humans and we have to follow a nomenclature to be called "sane", but again an abrupt change of perceptions brings me to the realization that being sane actually means, understanding the fact that the nomenclature and the myths about GOD are just abstractions and are virtual functions provided by the framework of life which we have to implement so as to live our lives happily. The implementation of these interfaces changes according to the milieu in which we live. Designing the virtual interface cognates with the logical term called "Planning" and the unique implementation of such an interface can be called the "Pursuit of Happyness" :)

Every individual has some properties bequeathed from its parent classes. The individual has to provide interfaces for its parents, spouse/husband and children.

The Law : The number of interfaces an individual has to provide is equivalent to the number of interfaces he has to implement.

It is the responsibility of the individual to implement the virtual function provided by its parents, partner and children so as to lead a happy life together. And the chain continues.

So ultimately going back to where I started, GOD is nothing but the object oriented concept we use and religion is the object oriented language we use. The language can be as crude object oriented as "C" and as fine as "Java".

Bachelor of Engineering or rather Entertainment/Arts/Philosophy ????

An engineers life SUCKS!!

First of all 'he' (the 'he' is intended .. ) needs to be a nerd all his life. Needs to work his ass out to clear the entrance exams just to end up in a college reputed for the HR chicks loitering in the campus during the placement season.

After all the hard work and night outs (pun intended), he finally gets a job in a reputed firm shelling out the best package in the industry. The loads of work and the limited timeline is just to make him realize that he is going to end up being a social pariah not because of his nature but because of lack of time for socializing. He is left contemplating whether he should let his social existence dour for his work or is there a trade off between the two ??

The introspection leads to loads of free time just to realize that an engineers life portrayed with loads of booze and sex can actually make millions. Yes, engineers are making money not just for the firm which they work for but to Literature/Arts/Bollywood.

The latest chick flick, "Ofcourse I love you ... until I find someone better" is no different. Kudos to the authors Durjoy and Maanvi!! The character Deb is surrounded by gals/chicks even though he is in an engineering college. It is quite unusual with the acerbating fact that he is into mechanical engineering. But he does manage to score some pretty Delhi chics and he finds his love in the most beautiful/hot chic from Greater Kailash.

I find it very ironical that a daunting life of an engineer can turn out to be an entertaining fact for everyone including the engineers themselves. I think the answer is right here. It is in engineering that we learn not to study and be conspicuously proud of it. It is in engineering that we learn to enjoy all the exploitation, learn to live life as it comes, smirk at the difficult times and laugh at our own mistakes. The exact embodiment being the phrase "All izz well". Given the aforesaid, why not be proud of the fact that we engineers are making millions across the world laugh.

Said that, I suppose we engineers could cope up with the difficult times because we had friends all around us. Being an engineer and an hostelite it is hard to be senti, but today I feel lonely and I really miss all my friends!!!

p.s. : Guys lets go to college next weekend and hit the b'ball court. What say???

8 monkeys ....

I never realized this but I found it quite amazing when I read the last line of the following extract.

(This is reportedly based on an actual experiment conducted in the U.K.)

Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.

Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.

All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.

However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.

This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

And that is how most companies' policies get established.

Actually I am not sure of the experiment but it is just an allegory or a parable, a fable for me. A better compendium might be written for this but what I learned is below.

First time when Newton published his theories, there was a lot of brainstorming done on it. But later we just accepted his theories as axioms which are not wrong but they just won't apply to bodies so small as inside the atom and to bodies so large as planets in space. The moral is to learn from our ancestors but do not fidget to question them.

According to Indian myth, Arjuna questioned Krishna and the outcome is The Bhagwat Gita, which is considered as one of the gospel, the backbone of Hinduism. If I am Hindu nut then the Bhagwat Gita is the bolt to keep me fixed to the niceties of this world.

Well the story of the monkeys just say that very well established companies had their policies bequeathed from the earlier management which remained unquestioned and not that these policies are wrong but they just won't apply in this new world.

And finally the coda inspired by Captain Jack Sparrow (well just the opposite of what he said)

"The world is the same, there is just more in it" (to manage)

one fine morning ..............

Something pricked my ears at 6 Am in the morn. It was the new msg tone from "Pyaar kiya toh darna kya" at 6 am Sunday Morning ....... (timb timb ......)

The Liquid Crystals Displayed "3 messages". One from Airtel as usual "Pay your bill. If u hav paid please ignore" even though I had paid i do receive these dumb messages from airtel. Seems like they do not track the payment.

Then there was तूच माझा तल्ली खलबली है खलबली.

At first I thought it was another Airtel message saying u can subscribe to this tone as your hello tune. So I ignored it.

The third message was "Talli INC la yenar aahes ka?" from someone I do not remember. It was blurry in the morning.

And then I realized, Airtel had actually known my nickname, HOW??? All the fog in my head trickled down as dew, the blur vanished, I was :O :O :O तूच माझा तल्ली खलबली है खलबली

I wondered, Airtel could not track my bill payment; How on earth did they track my nickname??? :O :O :O

Since i was awake till then and the blur had gone, I saw the message carefully, it was from Jitesh. Sigh! I ignored it, thought I would ask Jitya online about it, and went to sleep. And forgot to ask until I received another message from Jitesh "Sorry for the lame attempt at poetry written by my v good friends ved and praj .... Bhangardi aahet ti :P". Then I let go an didn ask Jitya bout it.

Well done Ved and Praj. You inspired this post. I have never blogged and this can be considered my first attempt at a HPB ( hair pulling blog :P ).