Puneite ....

"Pune is said to be the educational and cultural hub of India..." wait .. I have a question. Is it really?? If I were someone from a different planet and came to visit the earth and wanted to know of all the cultures and was suggested to visit Pune, what would I conclude about the great Pune culture?

Here is the human readable version of the analog message I would transmit back to my planet ......

Pune is said to be the cultural hub of India. FYI, India is a country on planet Earth and Pune is a city. Damn these earthlings, they have such abstractions to obscure the real truth. Earth is divided into several countries, yes divided, by some virtual borders not visible from outer space (wierd, aint these earthlings are ... ) An individual needs to get a visa (means permission) ... pch .. such recondite rules; to cross these borders. Anyways I would like to keep this message short and wont digress any further.

Pune is full of youth, zeal and enthusiasm. I did not feel a bit secluded during my 6 years of stay here. Even though I preferred solitude in the past I am a changed person. I am a Puneite and a puneite is never a drab. The most satisfying part of Pune is the climate. Pune is blessed with warmth and compassion. Get up in the morning, take a walk and you'll know why Pune is called beautiful. The warm sunlight, the cool breeze and the beautiful gals enjoying the morning walk (okay ... it is more of a strut showing off their debonair mannerisms) Come evening, and it is time to hang around the hot spots. In Pune, no time is a bad time to hang out with friends. Come weekends, start your bike and vrooooom along the nearby ghats. The uncanny ghats will never disappoint you and will provide all the thrill in monsoons. Never miss the monsoons in Pune. Plan a trek every weekend in monsoons.

The space travel, the intra cellestial super bowl or the CPL (cellestial premier league) which we are proud bragging about, is nothing but an incomprehensible drivel for these Pune gals. If you wanna hit on a Pune gal, please do listen to Jay Sean, Plain White T's, Taylor Swift, Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, A.R. Rehman, Enrique and do not miss "Hotel California" and "Summer of '69". The gals love suave, elegant and genial men. The gals are attention seekers and be sure to praise every thing they wear/carry. I miss being a student in Pune. It is a blessing in disguise.

The student mantra "start your bike and enjoy the ride". wait ... did I say, enjoy?? Sorry, my bad. I now come to the saddest part of Pune. Traffic!!! The people of Pune are helpful and friendly only when they are not driving. The most irritating part is that people do not know the difference between upper and dipper. They merrily flaunt the "upper" even under bright street lights. When asked to switch to dipper they say "Should I concentrate on upper and dipper or on driving?" This is a generic response from gals. Guys are better at saying that the dipper wont work!!! *$#^@&@* Worse expletives could be mentioned, but I refrain from writing them here since our bandwidth is secure and needs to be kept bland. Such expletives could block the message. I could teach you some when u get here ;)

Be aware of a PMT (please google first) ahead of you. It can irrationally turn 30 degrees in one swing of its steering. Rikshaws are so agile that they can turn 90 degrees given any instant. Some rikshawalas upgraded themselves to cabs and so a cab too can irresistibly turn by any angle. Lane rules are not followed in Pune. People change lanes more frequently than the promiscuous Casanova changing bedroom mates.

.... and one more thing, please google Pune's traffic, Kaka Halwai, Chitale bandhu, Desai Ambewale, Shrimant Dagdushet Halwai ganpati, marathi literature, e-square, inox, cadB-cadM, University of Pune, Fergusson College and PICT and ofcourse to enter India you need to know of the two legends Sachin Tendulkar and Lata Mangeshkar.

Puneite I have been and will remain so until, shit ... damn it scotty!! I asked you to beam me up years ago!!